and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
where are my eyebrows?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
