His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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