Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
