if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
