As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
