he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
