I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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