My hand turned me down
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
