So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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