first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
