dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
