get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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