she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
