stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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