just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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