You were right. It hurts to walk today.
they need to just BURY HIM!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
