That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
