I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
