All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
