There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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