It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
