Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize