I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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