people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
worst night to have a conscience
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
