I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
