Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
