remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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