I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
