now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
