I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
