dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ugly people sure do ruin things
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
