Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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