i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he thought i was a dude.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
