i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
