On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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