Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
