I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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