I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
