Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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