Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
