3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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