We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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