I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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