So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
