He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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