No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
