Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
