sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
