Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
