The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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