YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
