no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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