His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
