actually, I'm a sock model
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
