The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
