He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
