And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
