Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
