btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
