I need to stop coming to work sober
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
last night I used snow as a chaser
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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