I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
