so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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