Define "chronic" masturbator.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
