This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
