Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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