hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
