I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
