The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
