You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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