two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
