We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
