She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
