Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
