I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
