You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
