My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
