Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
