There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
