Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
