Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
