Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
where are my eyebrows?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
