Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
