And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
