I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
