these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
