I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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