I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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