Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
