new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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