Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
