so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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