We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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