i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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