How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize