all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
