i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
