I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
