I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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