Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize